I am the girl who always says she is broke because she can’t afford to shop. I am the girl who yearns to be different, but always ends up the same. I am the girl who do not wish to grow up, but would like to see the world and be more sophisticated. I am the girl who blames her slow metabolism for everything. I am the girl who you said you’ll never forget meeting. I am the girl who sometime ignores her own feelings for fear of falling into depression. I am the girl who distance herself to hide her shyness. I am the girl who is afraid of bumping into you (and you) on the streets. I am the girl who chopped off her locks in a spur of a moment, and somehow never regret it. I am the girl who needs to be on the move to feel like a useful person.

I am the classmate who blogged bout you and felt guilty when she saw you the next day. I am the classmate who always appeared confident and eloquent during presentations, but that’s because she want you to remember her that way.

I am the designer-wannabe who tried to make clothes for Barbie when she was a child but failed miserably. I am the designer-wannabe who feels as though she is losing her creativity and artistic touches as she grows older. I am the designer-wannabe who badly needs to be inspired by somebody.

I am the friend who misses you so much but couldn’t bring herself to call you out for coffee.

I am the student you cared about even though you are not teaching/no longer teaching her.

I am the daughter who don’t respect or care enough about you. I am the daughter whom you most doted on but ended up hating you somehow. I am the daughter who blamed your good culinary skills for making her fat. I am the daughter who sat with you in the ambulance when you collapsed from stroke.

I am the sister who didn’t had the courage to stand up for you when she saw the fattest boy bullying you in primary school. Till now, that scene still replays in her mind. I am the sister who scratched your face during one of our childish fight, and cried so badly ‘cause she felt goddamn guilty. I am the sister who treated you badly and then apologized to you. And eversince, she swore to treat you better. I am the sister who is greatly envious of you but don’t see the struggle you go through everyday. I am the sister who respects your religious beliefs but secretly hope you will not lapse into preach-y mode when you speak to her. I am the sister who secretly felt happy or worried bout you (you and you) but couldn’t bring herself show that she care.

I am the person who will die with tons of regrets.

I am the blogger who almost cried while doing this.