I’ve been feeling love. Considering that I am the only one in the family who is not in a relationship at the moment (excluding the maid, of course), it is quite ironic to find me feeling romantic.
What?! Nobody wants me doesn’t means I cannot feel romantic hor.
Okay, and speaking of being in a idealistic mood, I think it’s triggered by reading Tuesday with Morrie. Morrie taught us to love one another with compassion and a whole lotta other lessons on family, money, death, detaching emotions and yada yada. And it really inspires me to be a better person.
You know,
Instead of ignoring Catbury and her hollow comments when we met up on Tuesday in school, I tolerated her and actually bothered to engage with her in the conversation. And I thought, it wasn’t so bad.
Instead of filling myself with self-pity, I am thankful that I am able-bodied and not dim-witted.
Instead of going green with envy when I see pretty pretty things that I don’t own, I motivate myself to get them with my own pay (okok, Morrie did said material stuffs are not important).
Instead of wallowing in self-hatred thinking that nobody loves me, I actually felt slightly happier to know that I love and care for the people whom I want them to love and care for me. And I feel like Mother Theresa.
I often feel lonely and sometimes, I really do crave attentions (and I mean attentions of the real kind). I would love to be loved, but sometimes I feel I am too shitty to be loved – I demand too much attention, I am too insecure and I lack trust toward other people. How can anyone bear to live with me? And because of these anxieties, I often feel that I may lose the person I love most.
I used to scoff when other goes on and on bout, how they are not good enough for the other person. Bulls! Isn’t love bout accepting other’s flaws and imperfections?
And now I feel I need to improve myself in order to be truly loved by another.
As my soul heals the shame I will grow through this pain Lord I’m doing all I can.. to be a better man
