I have been containing this extreme urge in me. Sometimes when I’m heavenly pissed, I just wanna scream expletives at random people or be extremely sarcastic to peeps I know.

It is already the 2nd week of the semester. We have not finalized the uniform designs by the stipulated deadline due to delays on the client’s and designers’ part. In some way, I felt that it probably wasn’t that great blessing to have my designs chosen from 4 others’ work. My face contorted in various expressions when I heard the feedbacks from the client.

TMD. So many requests, so many changes to do. Final presentation to the client on Wednesday. Where got time?!

We had meeting almost everyday, to discuss the designs, color schemes, theme, and the production of the prototype. Some fuckers wasted time to explain that he’s not stoning (I actually wanted to suggest this, but you all kept disagreeing so I kept quiet lorh~). Some fuckers “need” go home early (machiam they need to guard pots of golds). Some fuckers wanna go “sun tanning”. Some fuckers will whine about the weather (got sun or not?!).

Tan simi sai?! November where got sun?! The sun is only good enough for drying birdshit.

It really sucks returning home with a huffing temper after facing some of the whiniest and ficklest-minded people I have ever known. Birdshit bonus - they are unpunctual too. I am definitely not the most punctual person on earth, but at least I make an effort to rush there.

They? Gelek-gelek from the canteen to bookshop, then finally arrive at the meeting 30mins late with not a single apology.

That’s not the worst bit. Just because they think my designs got selected, some of the gladly pushed ALL the responsibilities to me. They are all waiting for me to churn out new designs. Their motors won’t work if I don’t.

She is waiting for me to give her the colour so she can do the colour board. But she won’t begin unless I show her my final illustrations for her to understand the “feel”.

He won’t begin on the technical drawings unless I finished my illustrations and patiently baby feed him with explanations on the constructions of each piece.

She can’t fill in the colours or do the layout unless I finish all the illustrations and get the final technical drawings from the other dude.

They are all waiting for me. They all gave me suggestions for the designs ‘cause they bluntly pointed out that my last couple of designs were not nice nor unique enough(HELLO, I have a drying point too!). I followed their suggestions ‘cause after all, it is now a team work. But when it comes to consultation, I, the “spokeswoman”, am the one who kena all the bullets.

Where are the other two girls? They are not free this afternoon. Where are your swatches?! Uh… “We” haven’t been sourcing for them as “we” were not free. (I wasn’t free at all, but they are…) How are the designs?! They’re coming… Some are already out… I don’t think they’ll like these designs! Erm, actually we feel that it’s quite unique… No no no. It’s too impractical. Too dressy. Too formal for their liking. Uh… ok.. What’s this set for?! Captain. Nooooo. I think you put this set with the other set. Redo the other set. What have you (all) been doing all weekend?! …. Have you (all) been playing and lazing around?! Please man, this project is important. You are designing for a world class 5-stars hotel. Don’t ruin the school’s image and reputation with you(r) attitude(s), please!

And she rattled on and on bout what needs to be done. A new set… The mood/colour/theme boards… Redo… The prototype… Print the fabric at Sunshine Plaza… Source for suitable materials…Redo… Dress appropriately for the meeting this coming Wednesday… Manage you time… Deadline… Meeting… Members… Deadlines…

All of the sudden, I felt so wronged. Like, I am made the leader, the scapegoat, the bitch who is always asked for meetings, the lousy one who can’t finish everything over the weekend. I am made to bear of the criticisms, to fend of accusations, the one who got blamed for being late, slow, incompetence and having poor attitude.

I broke down into a silent cry under the torrent of responsibilities and criticisms shoved into my face.

I only have two hands, and a head. I have my own timetable and I can’t keep skipping lectures all the time. I can only cooperate with myself fully. I can only do this much. I can’t bring myself to reprimand the fuckers my team members because they are my classmates/friends too.

There are just too much things to do. Just too many.

Were you really serious when you all said you’ll help me out? Was it necessary for me to shed tears just to get your attention?!