I’ve been actively involved in this school/industry collaboration project since October. When I volunteered for it, I just thought it would be good to build up my portfolio and gain some experience out of this project. Actually, I wasn’t even very serious bout it initially as I had half-expect things to screwed up – the last project didn’t materialize as the previous client turn down before signing the project agreement.

Almost two months has gone by since our first meeting. With our theme finalized and various minor but troublesome changes made, we are almost close to wrapping this shit up.

I can’t pinpoint what is it that eventually made me so buzzed up about this project.

Maybe it is my perfectionism; I hate to screw things up. Maybe it’s because I’m prideful; I do not wished to be judged as the weakest link in this team. Maybe I truly wished this project will materialized; for I had been disappointed before. Maybe I believe that “Anything worth doing is worth doing well”. Or maybe, I felt solely responsible as I got lucky with my designs.

Out of this project, all members are my friends. Some are even my very good friends whom I hangout with. But when it comes to work, we are members and we work together. Unfortunately, the way they work sometimes irked me to a breaking point. Being good friends didn’t make things any easier for me.

I don’t think I am a cry-on-cue kind of girl. I feel crying is somewhat therapeutic, yet I hate to cry in front of people. If I had known that this project will make me breakdown two freaking times in front of my course manager (!!!) and countless times alone, I would not take on it.

Some “outsiders” would probably find it fake to catch me laughing like a hyena with my good friends as though nothing happened earlier that morning. Fuck them. They don’t understand that I put up with the collective shits of other people.

To quote from Jayaxe, “The one who laughs the loudest; cries the saddest”.