This week had been hell for me. I am very sure hell will continue for the next two weeks as this is the submission period.
I know PMS is a lame excuse to some, but it really wrecked me emotionally since friday. On friday, I lost my cool during a meeting with the client. My lecturer, lets call him Mr. Manicure Hand, openly chided and disregarded how much I sacrificed for this fucking project. Next, he bad-mouthed my competency in front of the lady who I am currently doing freelance illustrations for. I was so incensed that I raised my voice and snapped back at him and in the heat, I slammed my phone onto the table. I was so incensed my tears just flow down my cheek and I didn’t have time to control it.
I know what I did was extremely rude to a lecturer. But it is not as though I can’t stomach criticism - I do listen to criticism to improve; But to always be wrongly criticised and blamed for the irresponsibility and incompetence of others? It’s like, you’re putting me down all the time. I can never be good enough.
This project is really killing me emotionally.
Why do I have to cry so often bout it? I don’t understand.
Maybe I cry cause I felt stupid to be the only one working so hard for it.
Yes, I think I cry because I felt really stupid and foolish. I don’t like to feel stupid and foolish.
I cry cos I fret and stress over whether I’ll be chided for nothing or not.
I worry if I hits your expectation. Am I good enough?
I worry will I ever be good enough. It seems I’ll never be.
I really feel like breaking down now. And I just might. In front of he. her. she. they. all. all of them.
Leave me out of it. Just let me out, leave my name out of the credit shits.
