What if I say, I think I’m deranged?
I hear little voices in my head. They tell me people are out to screw up my life no matter how hard I work. That made me angry, and I want to hurt people with my words and actions.
Come Monday, I’ll be in school and I’ll be facing Mr. Manicure Hand and my course manager. And I’ll be facing those incoorperative fucktards whom I used to call members.
I am worried that I’ll whack Mr. Manicure if he provoke me. I am worried I can’t control my actions.
I’ve already “tendered my resignation” regarding this project. Now it’s up to whether they wanna let me off.
The issue is not the project now. The issue is I am not well. Physically, I have been nursing a cold. Emotionally, I’ve been crying from fear, agony and sadness since mid week. Mentally… I don’t know if it’s me or not.
Come night, I don’t dare to close my eyes for I fear an image will appear in my mind or it(he) will whisper something in my ear. Yet I don’t dare to open my eyes too for I fear it(he) will crawl from the darkest corner in my vision. This thing… I don’t know what it is, but he follows me and present fear to me when I am at my weakest.
This fear. At some point it seems fabricated, but I know it’s real.
Tell this black black demon to go away.
