Little Dowager

Haven’t been feeling very happy nor optimistic lately. Don’t know why.

Sleeping, music, and a little bit of wine is my only solace now.

help

I had a super duper bad monday. Like, boo hoo hoo really. Hate school.

Yesterday was supposedly my last day for my internship at Macpherson. Unfotch, work kept piling up, errands kept coming my way, colleagues just became much more interesting to chat to, I ended up not being able to finish 2 designs on time. Therefore, I gotta return tomorrow in the morning to wrap things up properly , if not Humsup Boss and Mother Goose will withhold my pay then avoid my calls and ignore my emails.

Later in the afternoon, I made my way back to school for some talk regarding the academic and timetable.

Almost everyone in my batch was there. Some changed for the better, some stayed the same. I don’t know if I feel happy seeing them again.

School is good in a way that I can do whatever I want, so long I don’t screw up and can move on in time. But school is bad in a way that, I need to pretend to like some people, and take them as friends in order to stay afloat and survive.

I hate to admit this, admit that I pretend and tolerate people I can’t stand. And in order to “stay afloat and survive”, I drive myself nuts with the hatred and disgust in me.

By the way, what do you call a close friend in school who never took the effort to calls nor messages (and don’t even talk about meeting up), for 2 months of internship? And after two months, she return into your life but changed into another person you can barely stand talking to? A person so full of herself, so shockingly bitchy, a christian who supposedly goes to church very often but turned out this way?

Sorry (ho ho) to pick out the fact that she’s a christian, but I always never thought too much of people who keep going on and on bout their god and what they believe in. They just don’t turn out to be very honest people.

Taken from just about everyone else who did this.

My ex is a guy who still amazes me with the things he has done for me, to me. Maybe I should try be more productive everyday. I love a man who will give me 70cent if he only have 1 dollar. I don’t understand Gemini and Leos. I lose my confidence if you don’t look at me. People say I’m a lame joker. Bear with it people. Love is something I dream for every other day. Somewhere, someone is doing more productive things than me. I will always be here, only if you’re there. Forever is a very big lie that no one should make. I never want to hurt you. I think the current US President loves money, power and killing more than a blowjob. When I wake up in the morning I check if it’s already too late to go for work. My past is promiscuous. I get annoyed when people screw up the job and I have to clean it up. Parties are for people to find someone to spend quiet, quality time together. My dog is a dog which was fucking afraid of the thunder. My cat is a cat that always leave me for the a bigger outdoor adventure. Kisses are the best when it’s impulsively given and voraciously received Tomorrow is my last day working at Macpherson. I really want more money and a special person. I have low tolerance for people who take me for an idiot and lie to me ever so often.

For anyone who wants to do this like everyone else.

This should serve as a good reminder on why I should never work full time for my attachment company after I graduate, no matter how comfortable I find this place to be after some time.

1. They do not give letter of employment (confirmation letter) to full-time staff. This sucks.

2. This place has no prospects. This sucks.

3. This place is messy as hell and the carpet really stinks. This sucks.

4. This place is far from town, far from any commercial establisment, far from any place that is fun. This sucks.

5. There’s too many Men’s magazines lying around in the office. I feel inadequate and fat. This sucks.

6. There’s too many buyers coming and going in the office, and they keep shoving me works to do. This sucks cause they are not my bosses, so why are they giving me work!??!

7. The ceiling above my head looks like it’s about to fall off ON TO my head, this fucking sucks scary man.

8. This place will make me design clothes for No Rules. Fuck No Way. That sucks.

9. I do not wanna be known as just a designer for licensed brands, cos it’s dumb and uninspiring, so it sucks.

10. Last but not least, how am I going to protect my ass if I don’t get a letter of confirmation if I ever work here full time?! This will not suck, this is just plain stupidity.

Why do some people don’t get it when I say, I don’t do free designing, regardless of whether is it Graphics for Tees, or uniforms, or namecard or logos?

Do they need me to explain to them in egg and chicken manner like, if you asked a chicken rice seller to give you some free food, he’ll only give u the pandan he used to cook the rice with and you can try to lick up the rice stucked to it?

Such people have no understanding of designs, they think such things are done by a swish of magic wand. No wonder designers are paid so lowly in Singapore.

That’s why I dislike that buyer who always sa-shay into our designers’ office and asked my new colleague to help him scan/draw some logo.

If he thinks it’s oh-so-easy-baby, why don’t I see him pick up the software himself? He can draw draw tens of thousands of logos everyday man. Don’t even have to step into our office.

Sad to feel for him this way, when I actually thought he’s a rather charming guy for his age initially. BLERH.

I’m feeling rather feverish right now. I feel so fucking hot(hot as in HOT, not horny) I can’t sleep with the blankets on.

And my eyes are itchy and teary. And my nose feels like a strawberry. And my skin itches like hell.

And the Panadol hot drink for Cold/Flu tastes like shit. Blergh.

In other news, Jaywalk’s cover has been blown. Please proceed to here to continue showering your condolences/admiration/aww-aww to him.

I don’t know why are there so many men’s magazine lying around in the designer room. Note that I only said men’s magazine and not, men’s fashion magazine. You know what kind I’m referring to lah.

So my Boss walked into the cramp room to speak to me, and there on top of this pile of books lies a copy of FHM.

I haven’t read it. I didn’t bought it. I didn’t even know know it was there.

And he was like, “Wah lao eh!” and quickly flipped over the magazine, hiding the cover page under.

Lao ban, bu yao jia jia lah. Not you buy then who buy one?!