Why do I always end up in open relationship?

You know, the kind where 2 people are together for company, whether it’s for physical or emotional support?

You know, the kind where 2 people needs to release their hands once somebody we know enters the room?

You know, the kind where 2 people can only communicate discreetly via sms and msn?

Am I not good enough character-wise to make him wanna commit to me?

Am I not attractive enough for him to go “she’s the best I’ll ever have”?

Am I not interesting enough for him to wanna know more about me?

Did I deliberately showed that I am a wild child, with an untameable heart, henceforth turning him off (or on, wadever..)?

Did I showed him my weak spot or said something I ought to have kept inside, henceforth giving him the idea/suggestion?

Why can’t I refuse him despite vowing to stay away from such meaningless ventures?

Why can’t I refuse him despite vowing to stay far far away from virgin kisser, virgin heart, virgin-whatever?!

Why do I still fall for him despite feeling shocked initially, and despite knowing that he can’t promise me anything?

Why don’t I meet someone who is commited, devoted, who fits all my nitty gritty criteria, plus a cartier ring?

Or did I just turn every guys in this room off, with my secret desire of being a submissive married woman with no ambitions and dreams, and not the independent woman who works hard for her money?

Or simply, I have not met him at the right time?