I never expect that what I thought would make me happy, can actually make me feel so sad, disappointed, foolish and lost all at once.

I remember I told you I can be a very selfish person - Sometimes I won’t scratch your back, even if you scratch mine hard enough. Yet I told you I feel the most unselfish around you. I accepted what you were, tried to appreciate your beliefs, learnt to understand your difficulties and efforts. All of which I used to forget, or shrug off carelessly in the past.

I tried so hard, but it made me unhappy at the end of the day. I often asked myself, “Why are my mentalities and beliefs so different? And why do we pursue different ideals? Am I inferior because of what I like and believe in?” I feel like you are always comparing me with her, your ideal. Yes, I really feel inferior.

So yesterday, it finally dawned on me that I am better off being alone, a selfish person. Like how I treat some people carelessly and for granted. I don’t make it extra effort to please them, or accept them. I don’t worry if their actions will upset or angers me. People who I take for granted never worries or upsets me. How wonderful.

Sometimes it is indeed wise to steer clear.

Yes, synr.