Baby, i love you, i love you so much, but i feel that im loving u with arms tied behind my back. I am giving myself to you hun, u can either keep me or throw me away, there is no middle ground. Why are we making this hard for ourselves?
Everybody say, Awwwwwwwwww.
I think I’m really testing his patience and pushing him away until he’s not ever gonna give a shit about me anymore.
Why am I being so difficult?
I’m sucha dumbass!
I should learn to tell a little white lies sometimes.
Tell me tell me, how can I make up to a guy who’s utterly disappointed in me? Cos it appears I’m not such a good girl after all?
A frustrated person cannot cook.
Boiled the cauliflower, potato and corn. And then put back the cauliflower, potato and corn into the soupy stirfry.
What the fuck is this? I don’t know.
How am I going to eat this at lunch tomorrow?
If I don’t give a shit about Chinese New Year, does that make me a fucking banana?
So what if I didn’t do my CNY shopping? Why must I go with the flow and buy clothes only during these coming weeks? You meant to say missy can’t shop during the rest of the year, but only now?!
If I wanna dress like a fucking soaked sanitary pad, I will. So don’t tell me what colour to wear. I don’t give big hoots about CNY not because I’m a banana, but because I don’t have relatives to show off to celebrate with during CNY.
I can’t even stand to talk to bigot like these. Makes me stupid for a moment.
I think I discovered a way to eradicate my bout of loneliness.
Go home before 7pm, before the street lights turn on.
I have a strange habit of spacing out on the bus. Every streetlights and headlight turn into bokeh in my eyes. Coupled with some smooth jazz and slow jams on my ipod, it really makes me long for any form of company, and I’ve done some crazy thing because of that crazy bout of loneliness.
Smoking outside alone at 4am in the morning? Check that.
Drink myself silly in the privacy of my room? Hell yes.
Don’t even get me started on those that involves other individual.
I think the only person who can contain my sometimes self-destructive manner is my mom. Surprise surprise.
I don’t usually think so much about my future career on a normal day, but today is extremely strange.
In the morning, while doing my makeup, I was just quietly amazed that I managed to stay on to this job for over 3 months. And then so happened that while randomly surfing the net (cos I finally finished my presentation…), I spotted an excellent job opening that’s based in China. I have not even written my cover letter nor updated my resume and portfolio, and yet I was already drafting a farewell email in my head.
Don’t get me wrong - I don’t hate my job. In fact I find it to be very comfortable. I’m just seriously curious about working overseas. It’s just a whole new experience and opportunity for me to grow.
But I’m not so sure - things are just picking up for me at work. As I can see, the aunties in the sample room are just starting to give a shit about me. I had just received a length talk from my department head earlier, and I feel like she’s beginning to have some faith in my potential.
And then I wonder, is it really alright for me to just pick up and leave within one month’s notice? What about my bills, my loans, my family and my friends? What about my job and the training centre? Is it really alright?
I am young, single, with no family commitments. It should be easy to just pack and go. And yet, I worry more about what it means to leave home, than how life might be at a brand new place. Oh just one problem, I think I will wilt with limited internet access in China.
Oh well, I’m stubborn like a mule. Still wanna give it a shot somehow.
Sorry Sis,
I don’t think I have the magnanimity to lend you the camera. My cosmetics, my bags, my handphone, even my dress from my school assignment - yes. But not the camera.
You see, you just stupidly lost your brand new high-tech handphone (which I estimate, cost at least $600) during your trip to Malaysia. And before that, you lost 2 of your handphones. I don’t know how can I entrust my camera to you, especially when I know you’re taking it out to your drinking-cum-networking session.
You know I love you, but let’s not waste another $800.
Sometimes my colleagues catch me smiling to myself like an idiot to the computer. If only they know what I’m smiling about. I’m talking to a Jerry Yen look-a-like, motherfuckers!
On another thought, I really don’t like it when they stand over my shoulder and conveniently flip through my sketchbooks, research journals, swatch cards - in short, making conversations with me. And I somewhat dread lunch-in not because I have to eat oatmeal, but I can barely stand the cacklings of my fellow colleagues. I rather just eat at my desk, plug into the iPod and solve my sudoku in peace.
I don’t believe I’m an unfriendly/antisocial person, I just like quiet moment to myself sometimes. Still wondering if I should go for the annual staff dinner - it’ll wreck my new eating plan but if I opt out of it, will it paint me as an unlikeable/distant person to the boss? Afterall, he is the one who told me to "work my charm" to my advantage.
Some days I wished I still work at Outram - at least I have more photographic opportunities there.
Gotta sleep, lest I wake up late again tomorrow.
