Little Dowager

Sorry Sis,

I don’t think I have the magnanimity to lend you the camera. My cosmetics, my bags, my handphone, even my dress from my school assignment - yes. But not the camera.

You see, you just stupidly lost your brand new high-tech handphone (which I estimate, cost at least $600) during your trip to Malaysia. And before that, you lost 2 of your handphones. I don’t know how can I entrust my camera to you, especially when I know you’re taking it out to your drinking-cum-networking session.

You know I love you, but let’s not waste another $800.

I’ve always admired The Sister for her driven attitude, optimism and partial Type A personality. She has aways been the street smart and eloquent one. In the past, I have never felt the need to feel competitive with her, maybe cause we were in totally different league.

When people asked if I was close to her, I told them we were not. They were always surprised, but why should they be? If only they know how different we are in body size, personality, interests.

But lately when I stand next to her, I felt like a shrinking violet, while she’s the blooming Bird of Paradise. She seems so passionate about her work, while I struggle with waking up 6:30 every morning.

While she often seeks my help in the design area/borrow my bags & cosmetic, I can never bring myself to do the same with her. I felt unworthy, like, I can only own her cast off. Maybe that is why I rarely make the effort to talk to her, or connect with her.

Shadows don’t usually talk to their object, right?

I have absolutely no idea why The Sis tends to attracts loser-ish male who can’t handle a break up.

They come to my house, beg and cry, often drunk while humiliating themselves. Mr. El Cheapo Namecard is the most recent case.

The Mom just have this knack for seeing through the type of guys we bring home. One from my sis was labeled a Possessive Egoist, the type that wants to hold down the woman’s freedom to learn and excel. I absolutely despise such men - go get a mail order bride and shove her a cheap ring from Taka Jewelry, if you want a woman to bear you children and cook and clean after you.

Mr. El Cheapo Namecard didn’t impress my mum either. She felt that he talks too much for a man, which instantaneously diminishes his charm factor.

“哇，没有见过一个男人比女人更会讲话！”

I doubt my mum would be impressed with the type of men I had dated, but one smart thing on my part, I never bring them home.

My mum keeps feeding me… =/

Things used to be a little better in the past, but now I simply believe my elder sister still secretly hates me.

I always have it easier than her, and I always managed to get things done my way. Doesn’t help that my mum & dad dotes on me more, even though I am the most rebellious/stubborn/aloof of the lot.

The financial responsibility of the family does not rest on my shoulder, I got to study what I want even though it has low career prospectives. Being the eldest of “the 2nd batch of kids”, she naturally expects me to take over the responsibilities once the time is ripe, so she can go pursue her own overdue ambitions.

Unfortunately, I have to go spoil things once again.