Little Dowager

A friend just called me on the phone.

We used to hang out, but now he just sounds so bleeping awkward on the phone. It’s strange to find myself trying so hard to make conversations with him, considering I’m not usually conversational.

I’m so angry this weekend.

I absolutely do not understands why Singaporeans feel the need spend every single moment fiddling with their handphone.

They seems to have an endless stream of Smses coming in and going out. Occasionally the phone rings and they answer to a neverendingly dull conversation. More often than not, they click around the phone aimlessly, hopping from one menu to the other, deleting old Smses, filtering through their call history, looking at the pictures of their bitches pooches…

This is what I do before I sleep, because it’s so boring.

I feel sorely inadequate today.

A lack of sleep coupled with a rainy morning, does not make for a good day to dress up. So I threw on a pair of black jeans (folded to the ankle), layered a loose dark brown long sleeve tee over a navy tank top. Slip on a pair of sneakers, carried my bag, off I go. I looked like a student on her way to the library (to sleep) instead of going to the office.

What a mistake.

Once I stepped into the bus and looked over to my usual spot at the back, I spotted him.

Damn. Did I just looked like shit today?!

I shouldn’t be noticing him at all. Especially when he looks like the jappie.

I guess I just have a crazy thing for lookalikes.

There is this nasty flu virus spreading around in the office.

It is a good thing I sit alone in the Shipping aka “extended PDV department”, but not so good that the printer is just to my left.

People walks by… cough abit, and take their printout.

Multiply that with everyone in the office which amounts to arnd 30 different peeps.

ARGHGHGHGHGA.

He’s off to India then Japan.

2 weeks until I see him again.

Wonder will things fade away.

1) new cabbie 2) early 30s 3) probably single 4) professionally skilled in craft making 5) cheeky/charming/interesting 6) chemistry 7) looks like Hady Mirza from the back

Tried to hit on me earlier & asked me out. If he had offered to waive the fare (he went one big round anyway), I probably would agree to it.

At least, give me a good reason to meet/treat him to a coffee, right?

Mmm. Work would be so much easier if I’m seated right in front of the cute guy.

I dreamt of you last night.

I didn’t speak to you, nor face you - just pictures & images of you, and the feeling of being around you, waiting for you to give me attention, and snippets of your voice.

The feeling of being around you, it’s comfortable at times, insecured at worse.

And when I woke up, I can’t recall your face, but just the faint outline of who I once knew.

It must be the weather, it just reminds me of you.

I still miss you, Chris.

I had a pretty good saturday night on the worse beach on earth - East Coast - completed with mini bottled red wine & white wine, hoegaarden and my all time favourite, heineken.

The company was good, he made me laugh, we have a common sense of humour. And I must say, he’s a very romantic and giving person. Pretty good kisser too.

But after I woke up from a headache inducing sleep, I kinda regret kissing him. I didn’t lose a piece of meat, but I kind of dread going out with him again. Cos I don’t wanna end up kissing someone who I have no feelings for.

I don’t want anything now.

Ricky Ricky…

You know I will do anything to make you happy.