Little Dowager

If watch are like little mechanical hearts - damn I scratched mine badly yesterday.

Nairmind. More battle scar, more personality.

SMS from Friend reads: Hey bitches! Wanna meet up for dinner on Boxing day?! Can only meet later in the evening like.. 9 something… RESPONSE!

Self-though: TMD so late then sms. Think we all don’t have to work.

SMS back: Nah sorry girl, too late. Gotta work next day.

SMS from friend: Huh, I thought we could meet up and just talk… Earliest would be 730?

Self thought: roll my eyeballs you mean we meet up and listen to you talk right?!

SMS back: Nah really can’t another time please..

Somethings can be easily attained, like a Moleskine or a vibrator pair of diamond solitaire studs. For other pricer toys like a point and shoot digicam or a new Longchamp, I have to work my own ass off for it.

This is the second part of my Christmas Wishlist, where I focus on the unattainable gifts I want for this year…

1) I want my Alopecia Areata to go away. 2) Better yet, give the world a cure for Alopecia Areata. 3) I want my Eczema to clear up. 4) Better yet, give the world a cure for Eczema. 5) A well-equipped and spacious working studio 6) If not, a much bigger room, with a custom-made drafting table. 7) A kitten The responsibility to properly raise anything. 8) A surpressed appetite. 9) If not, develop a much more refined and picky palate. 10) World Peace.

I’ve been quite the good kid this year, no?

This is not a reminder; This is a Proclamation.

Some people wear a separate pair of shoes specially just in the office. It may be a fluffy slip on (always pink) or those faux cheap velvet slipper/thong. I have a pair of cheap army green rubber flip-flop I always wanted to bring into the office. Weeks went by, and I never did.

Instead I brought in a pair of leather slip-on mules from Rockport, that was terribly under-worn (because they are a hot coral pink). It can get a bit warm wearing it, but it’s still comfortable like hell. I think it is better that I wore this instead of flip-flops… Can’t let my boss see my unpedicured toes, can I?

I’ve always admired The Sister for her driven attitude, optimism and partial Type A personality. She has aways been the street smart and eloquent one. In the past, I have never felt the need to feel competitive with her, maybe cause we were in totally different league.

When people asked if I was close to her, I told them we were not. They were always surprised, but why should they be? If only they know how different we are in body size, personality, interests.

But lately when I stand next to her, I felt like a shrinking violet, while she’s the blooming Bird of Paradise. She seems so passionate about her work, while I struggle with waking up 6:30 every morning.

While she often seeks my help in the design area/borrow my bags & cosmetic, I can never bring myself to do the same with her. I felt unworthy, like, I can only own her cast off. Maybe that is why I rarely make the effort to talk to her, or connect with her.

Shadows don’t usually talk to their object, right?

I received an SMS from an acquaintance from a particular training centre, she needs some recommendation for a job opening, so I forwarded her email to a couple of ex schoolmates.

And the next thing I know, I was freaking out like, “I think my boss is going to find another person to replace me.” And then I said, “Haha, but ”

This is so going to bother me this weekend, and I guess I need a good scare to wake me up.

I don’t like how things are going at work, but I really need to keep this job around… You know, there’s bill and loan to pay off, and obligation to obliged to. I’m working for the money, cos I need the money for the living. And I spend some of the money on things to make me happy, so day goes by easier for me.

And when 6pm comes by on a Friday, I leave the office with a spring in my steps.

After a change of job, it still takes me about an hour to travel to work.

15 mins to bus stop, 5 mins to wait for the bus. 30 mins on the topsy-turvy curvy-wurvy busride. 10 mins to walk to the office.

It really makes no difference whether I’m travelling to this side of the Kampong or the other side. I still take about an hour to travel anywhere.

And I’m not the sort who sleeps on the bus anyway.

Today the colleagues bought fruits together. By the box. Almost every one, including me, went home with a pair of dragonfruits the size of my boobs (damn huge) and half a kilo of dark skin grapes.

Then later, I gave one of my boobs dragonfruit to my friend, cos she’s so sweet for lending me her stuff for my fashion show (this sat at Vivocity, topshop/topman show, 3pm).

Work is challenging, and I have to go dig out my notes later to “decode” the technical terms that keep appearing in the various textile reports.

There’s so much reading to do, but I space out when a sheet of paper has more than 500 words printed on it, and then I start day dreaming about sex.

Once the clock strikes 6, every notion in my head evaporates, and I just wanna go home immediately.

I feel like I die a little bit everyday, just like my ipod battery.

Lately every SMS I receive is a Sorry this or a Sorry that… or a “Sorry to disturb but…”

Sometimes I really wish I could satiate loneliness as easily as hunger.

He’s off to India then Japan.

2 weeks until I see him again.

Wonder will things fade away.