Little Dowager

Everytime I see Joakim Gomez’s face, I feel like stomping on the back of his head, with his jaws against the kerb - American History X style.

No, this is not about how much I dislike Joakim Gomez, but more like how I can barely stand the annoying folks in the office. 3 more hours to my 7 days away-from-the-office break!

I don’t usually think so much about my future career on a normal day, but today is extremely strange.

In the morning, while doing my makeup, I was just quietly amazed that I managed to stay on to this job for over 3 months. And then so happened that while randomly surfing the net (cos I finally finished my presentation…), I spotted an excellent job opening that’s based in China. I have not even written my cover letter nor updated my resume and portfolio, and yet I was already drafting a farewell email in my head.

Don’t get me wrong - I don’t hate my job. In fact I find it to be very comfortable. I’m just seriously curious about working overseas. It’s just a whole new experience and opportunity for me to grow.

But I’m not so sure - things are just picking up for me at work. As I can see, the aunties in the sample room are just starting to give a shit about me. I had just received a length talk from my department head earlier, and I feel like she’s beginning to have some faith in my potential.

And then I wonder, is it really alright for me to just pick up and leave within one month’s notice? What about my bills, my loans, my family and my friends? What about my job and the training centre? Is it really alright?

I am young, single, with no family commitments. It should be easy to just pack and go. And yet, I worry more about what it means to leave home, than how life might be at a brand new place. Oh just one problem, I think I will wilt with limited internet access in China.

Oh well, I’m stubborn like a mule. Still wanna give it a shot somehow.

Bringing home work is an interesting concept, but it’s not suitable for everyday application.

The Boss just dropped me a project which finally made me sit up in my chair. Children wear illustrations - This is interesting! I haven’t done such illustrations before…

Unfortunately he wants it next Thursday, which effectively left me only 1.5 (or 2.5, depends) working day next week to work on it.

Crunch time baby! He might just fire my lazy ass if I don’t get it done well.

My boss just told me to make a sample of my design in my own size, for me to test out the functionality. Which sucks, because I don’t even wanna wear my own design.

It’s like asking the lamb to dress like a mutton duck or something.

Feng Shui Notebook, originally uploaded by His Majesty Andre (Myopia Pix).

6 months ago, my objective would be to find a good job that pays well so I can spend my paycheck on everything I wanted. Shoes, clothes, cosmetics, stuff on my hobby (sewing!), techy stuff, etc.

And I did. I got a job that pays me just slightly better than most of my peers. The people there are down-to-earth (albeit sometime annoying) and easy to get along with. Best of all, it’s rather near to my place, no OT or work on Saturdays and I don’t have to do any crap probation in retail.

Even though my work place is not situated in an exciting location in the city or in fact, close to any place where decent shopping happens, and I am sometimes horrified by the dreadful dress sense of some office workers… The unpretentious vibe is sometimes comforting and plus, I don’t have to battle the peak hour traffic just to get home.

I appreciates the comfort factor so much, I’m not sure if I have the guts to quit. I really kind of missed that “busy till I drop” moment, so crammed with informations and task I have to scribble everything down in my notebook lest I forget.

I hardly ever note down anything nowadays and for a scatterbrain like me, it shows a lot. Some days I feel so lost, sitting at my desk. I’m not sure what’s my purpose sitting here, if I’m on the right track to my future goals.

Plus I kept falling ill ever since I’m there. The Fengshui here must be really bad for me, man.

I tend to lose focus and interest fairly quickly. Which bothers me, cos it probably means I don’t get my things done quickly - if at all.

Was supposed to do the tech specs for my designs but went back to the drawing board instead, just because I don’t enjoy working on tech specs.

Excel gives me migraine.

Bought an iPod, convinced that I would convert the back-logged drama series into the device, and then realized that I cannot be half-assed to even bother.

Got a new phone yesterday, excited uploaded new themes/tones/screen saver/games into it. By today, I’m already ignoring.

I can cut my dress pattern halfway and leave it on my table for 3 weeks until I assemble the sewing machine. Oh yes and speaking of it, I haven’t really sewn any thing worth boasting about. So far, only a 5-min knit ribbing iPod socks.

Clothes. I bought jeans and tops. It’s been a week, they still need hemming and ironing.

eBay. Was exciting and fun to bid and receive packages all the way from US. Until nothing really catches my eyes anymore.

People like me should be banned from having children.

Sometimes I wonder what’s my purpose in life. I used to have a dream 2 months ago - it seems ridiculous now since I’ve settled in “nicely” into my job.

God, I so hate myself.

There is this nasty flu virus spreading around in the office.

It is a good thing I sit alone in the Shipping aka “extended PDV department”, but not so good that the printer is just to my left.

People walks by… cough abit, and take their printout.

Multiply that with everyone in the office which amounts to arnd 30 different peeps.

ARGHGHGHGHGA.

I received an SMS from an acquaintance from a particular training centre, she needs some recommendation for a job opening, so I forwarded her email to a couple of ex schoolmates.

And the next thing I know, I was freaking out like, “I think my boss is going to find another person to replace me.” And then I said, “Haha, but ”

This is so going to bother me this weekend, and I guess I need a good scare to wake me up.

I don’t like how things are going at work, but I really need to keep this job around… You know, there’s bill and loan to pay off, and obligation to obliged to. I’m working for the money, cos I need the money for the living. And I spend some of the money on things to make me happy, so day goes by easier for me.

And when 6pm comes by on a Friday, I leave the office with a spring in my steps.